


I Wonder

by miera



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-05
Updated: 2010-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:18:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief portion of Trip's thoughts after 3.18 "Azati Prime." (04/10/2004)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wonder

I squint, I shake my head, but it's no use. I'm still seeing two of everything. My desk, the padd, even the warp core is doubled. Too bad it isn't real, and the second one is undamaged. That would solve a lot of problems. I rub my eyes, but that doesn't help either.

"Commander?" Hess inquires abruptly. I guess we passed the point of politeness a couple hours ago—or maybe days ago.

"M'fine," I insist, willing myself to not touch my eyes again. I try to turn back towards the access panel and gravity vanishes, not from the ship, just from me. I'm watching my arms and legs twitch uselessly for a split second as I fall, and I don't even really care.

Hess is sharp enough to grab me, and I don't hit the ground. I whack my side into the desk, though. Hess tightens her grip on my arm and waits until I get control back. When I do, she steps away, crosses her arms and glares.

"Four hours."

There's no use arguing any more. A tiny part of me is glad to give in. I head for the doors, not bothering to leave instructions for Hess to wake me if needed. She knows that already.

I manage to get to Sickbay without tripping—no pun intended—over anything, including my own feet. I'm so wiped out by this point I'm looking forward to lying down, but I walk into the room and stop cold. I don't know how it's still possible but adrenaline starts pumping into my body.

Malcolm's there. He's lying on a biobed, unconscious.

It takes a long damn minute before I'm sure my blurry vision is really registering his chest moving up and down. He's still breathing.

Phlox walks over to me. His mood is pretty muted, even considering. "Lieutenant Hess informs me you're to get four hours of sleep." I gesture towards Malcolm in response. "Mr. Reed was persuaded to do the same."

"Doc, I can't be out while he is." That's not quite what I meant but I'm having trouble explaining it better out loud. Jon's gone, T'Pol's unstable at minimum. That leaves me, and after me, there's Malcolm. It's always like that. The man may piss me off like no one else but he's always there, no matter what. We can't both be asleep at once, not now, not with the ship like this.

In spite of my lack of vocal coherence, Phlox seems to get it. He takes me by an arm and leads me towards the only empty bed in Sickbay, next to Malcolm. "Lieutenant Reed will be waking up shortly to go back on duty."

The odds of something else happening in whatever "short" amount of time is going to lapse here are pretty low. But then, luck hasn't exactly been on our side lately. Phlox is already moving off, going back to his actual patients, and now that I'm leaning against the bed, it's just too much effort to stand upright again.

I look at Malcolm, sound asleep on the biobed. His hair is a mess. Looks like there might be grease in it. At least, I hope it's grease and not something else. His face is dirty, and scruffy too boot. I'd bet money he'll find time to shave when he gets up, even if he doesn't wash his hair. And there are deep half circles under his eyes. I wonder if I look as bad as he does.

I sit on the bed, still looking at Malcolm and my mind just starts to spin.

I wonder what's wrong with T'Pol, why she's behaving so irrationally.

I wonder about Jon, what happened to him, to the weapon. I wonder if he's dead.

I wonder if he's dead and bunch of our people our dead and if it was for nothing.

I wonder if our mission has failed.

I wonder how in hell we're going to get out of this mess.

Lying down, I lose the fight to keep my eyes open. And one more thought comes flailing out of the dark.

I wonder if I fall asleep, will I ever wake up again.


End file.
